The Urge To Wander

I love my Mom. She’s beautiful and funny and understanding and amazing. She knows so much about so many things. She travels a lot, you know. A lot. She buys me stuff from all those places that she visits. All those far-off mysterious lands. But she has a lot of friends that she travels with. And I live with my Grandmom when she is gone. But even when she’s here we live with Grandma.

I wished my Mom would live with me. I wish she would be here when I get back from school everyday. I wish we could just walk to the market on Saturdays like so many of my friends. But she is different. She doesn’t like living at one place, she tells me. She loves moving around. “The urge to wander is too big than the urge to live a life”, she says. I don’t get that. All my friends have their mothers living with them. They don’t give a shit about the “urge to wander”, whatever that means.

She’s been back for the past 10 days now. I love it! I love hugging her and sleeping. I love the smell of her hair. I just love my Mom. Especially when she’s around. Me and her are about to take a walk now. I love walking with her on the bridge. It feels like I have her all to myself. I love that.

Today we are talking about the time she was my age. 10 is the perfect age to be, she tells me. I am happy. She has these long, dark hair that I wish I had. I love looking at her talk to me. The weather is nice today. I like foggy days. They just have this mystery to them. Makes me feel like a detective. The curtains of fog are the secret I have to unveil.

“What are you smiling about”, my Mom says. Oops, I forgot she was here.

“I think I have to leave today, sweetheart”, she says.

“When will you be back?”, I’m shocked.

“In another couple of months.”

“You always say that and you’re gone for almost a year all the time. I don’t want you to go away”, I scream.

“Do not scream at your mother!”

“You are the one who’s always leaving and I’m the one who’s stuck living here with Grandma. Take me with you.”

“Sweety, you can’t come to the places I visit. You’re too young.”

“But I don’t want to be too young. I wanna come with you. I wanna be with you all the time”, I cry.

“Let’s just sit on the parapet like we always do and we’ll decide later if you can come.”

I know she’s lying. She always lies. About taking me with her the next time. About coming back in the next couple of months. About not knowing who my father is. She is always lying.

I climb on the parapet with her. And we sit side by side swinging our legs like all the other times that she has left. She is pretending as if nothing has happened. I’m sick of her going away. I don’t want her to go away. I want her to myself. She’s my Mother. I deserve that she’s around all the time. I look at her. She’s beautiful and I love her. More than I can ever tell her. But I want her for myself.

She’s saying something. I smile. Her eyes are beautiful. So is her smile. Her dimple. Her teeth are perfect. I wish I could just keep her with me forever. And then I know. I look at her swinging her legs and I give her a shove. She screams. I think she’s trying to hold on to me. She fails. I see her falling towards the curtain of fog. She is staring at me and screaming.

“Don’t worry Mom. I’m going to be with you. Always”, I smile to myself.

My Mom is not going anywhere. I’m happy. I really love her, you know.

—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X—X

This post has been written for picture it & write by ermilia

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27 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Anne Schilde
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 22:56:49

    A couple of ouches in here, huh? I really enjoyed the dialogue. “Don’t worry Mom. I’m going to be with you.” Haha, what’s a little lie?

    Reply

  2. Madhu
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 23:41:30

    The dark horse! But couldn’t you have given this another title? Don’t fancy the bad connotations 😀

    Reply

  3. Ermilia
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 04:12:24

    Wow. A very dark ending. I like the build up though and the repetition of how much she loved her mother. Great contrasts. Thank you for contributing this week!

    – Ermisenda

    Reply

  4. The Writers Village
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 04:52:57

    ooohhh… is that chilling. good job.

    Reply

  5. mistylayne
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 08:00:36

    WOW, powerful.

    Reply

  6. Arindam
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 11:54:41

    Very nicely done. I like the way you created the whole scene, and the ending was wonderful. Great writing Shalvika.

    Reply

  7. El Guapo
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 02:04:51

    No, I wasn’t expecting that ending at all.
    Well written!

    Reply

  8. Nikunj
    Aug 20, 2012 @ 13:58:09

    Hold the shingles of my sigh
    In the corner of your eye…
    Hold me on your edge
    like a kite on time’s thread …
    Hold my sparks deep inside
    till the rainbows vanish from the sky ….

    Reply

  9. Soma Mukherjee
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 11:46:27

    Shalvika 😯
    You are a fab writer…what a brilliant dark write up
    oh man you made me forget Dexter for a moment…
    hugs sista 🙂

    Reply

    • Shalvika P
      Sep 19, 2012 @ 20:47:54

      Thank you so much Soma!! I know I am a tad too late for this but I was away and oh, I have missed you!! You’ve no idea how glad I am to be back 😀
      And Dexter?? Seriously? It scares me!
      Anyway, hugs 🙂 muah ::)

      Reply

  10. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words
    Aug 27, 2012 @ 22:13:33

    I like this
    haunting as you walk in shadows
    painful emotions ….
    I am glad you stopped by (been a while, I fell down the rabbit hole
    for a bit, just now coming up for air,I apologize for taking so long to get here)
    but I am glad I did, I like this one! and I will enjoy reading more of you
    Thank you for sharing
    Take Care…
    You Matter
    )0(
    ladybluerose

    Reply

    • Shalvika P
      Sep 19, 2012 @ 20:49:35

      Oh, thank you so much! I fell down a rabbit hole the moment you got out!!! Ah, damn these holes 🙂
      Anyway, thank you for stopping by. I am so glad we connected.
      Hugs 🙂

      Reply

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